Amanda Prowse had been trying to have a baby for a long time. When she first found out that she was pregnant, the baby would hit a lot of firsts for her family. They already bought clothes and listed names for the baby. However, when Amanda started bleeding, she realized that she lost the baby in less than ten weeks.
Writing an essay for the Mirror, Amanda shared that she felt like she was a total failure when she saw how heartbroken both of her parents were. Prowse wrote, “Often there is no explanation for miscarrying. This was the first time I heard the phrase, ‘these things just happen.’ I gave away the little socks and vests and got on with my life.”
Then, Amanda got pregnant again. However, it ended the same way as the first one did. But the third pregnancy came in, and Amanda and her baby successfully made it through. She gave birth to a boy.
Amanda’s relationship with the boy’s father fell through. Then, she met Simeon, who had a child from his previous marriage, and got married together. Then, they decided to have their own baby together.
Amanda wrote, “I fell pregnant quickly and we were over the moon. But getting pregnant was never the problem for me – staying pregnant was. Caught up in the excitement and full of hope, we planned for the arrival of our baby. At the time, we were living in Germany where Simeon, a soldier, had been posted.”
Amanda lost that pregnancy, and she lost three more. When she got pregnant for the seventh time, she reached the twelve-week mark and went to the doctor for a scan, in which she found out that everything was fine. Then, when she reached the 22nd week, she had a miscarriage.
Amanda wrote, “I’d had no symptoms, no bleeding. They were keen to start the process that would expel my baby, but devastated, I asked to go home and spend one more day with her, knowing it would help me to say goodbye in my own time while she was still with me.
“Simeon knew I was having the scan and managed to call from Iraq. I sobbed the moment I heard his voice. Then, without warning, the phone went dead. My heart leapt – was it due to loss of signal, which sometimes occurred in his location, or had something happened to him? There was no way for me to get in contact… I felt alone and frightened.”
One morning, she heard a knocking on the door. At first, she thought it was going to be bad news regarding Simeon, but she was surprised when she opened the door.
Amanda wrote, “My tears streamed, as standing there, staring at me was Simeon. Still in his desert combats and with sand in his hair, he wrapped me in his arms.
“He apologized for abruptly ending the telephone call, as he knew the only flight leaving the camp was lifting off in a matter of minutes and he explained that if he’d delayed even a little bit he would have missed his chance to be with me.
“He held me and said, ‘I told you I’d always come to you if you needed me.’ And he was right, I truly did need him. He stayed by my side during the procedure, holding my hand.”
Simeon is still a soldier, and the loneliness from both her failure to have a baby and the constant worry for Simeon’s safety continued to bother Amanda. Sometimes, she would daydream about the babies that she should’ve had and never had.
