Writer Michelle Barrow was scheduling her annual OB/GYN appointment when she figured it was time she talked to a medical professional about the strange ache in her lower abdomen that had cropped up about a month prior.
Barrow admitted that she didn’t mention it sooner because she was used to the occasional phantom pain from her IUD.
This pain, however, was a little bit different and unlike the pains she was used to experiencing.
Upon hearing Barrow’s symptoms, the doctor suspected that Barrow had ovarian cysts and made to check.
That’s when the strange muttering began. “What is that? I’ve never seen anything like that. What the heck is that thing?” Barrow remembered her doctor saying to herself.
The doctor asked if Barrow uses tampons – the answer was generally no, but Barrow had used some recently, so she told the doctor. This then led the doctor to conclude that some tampon fibers had gotten caught on Barrow’s IUD.
After several unsuccessful minutes of attempting to remove the ball of fiber, the doctor called a nurse to bring in scissors and tweezers. She would have to cut the balled object out of Barrow’s vagina.
This time, the doctor was successful and proudly showed Barrow the 2-inch-long object.
Barrow stared.
What her doctor was calling a tampon was distinctly “furry” and “the exact same color as Donut” – Barrow’s cat.
She had no clue what to say; the only words that came to mind were explicative words of disbelief and incoherent screaming.
After a long pause, Barrow managed to crack a weak joke about tampon use, but could only think about her bed.
Barrow and her fiancé had two cats – Cricket and Donut – both of whom were short-haired, but shed ridiculous amounts of fur.
The cats were always granted free range on Barrow and her fiance’s bed, which the couple weren’t in the habit of making every morning.
That was when Barrow realized – between the cats sleeping all over the uncovered sheets, she and her fiancé sleeping naked and having sex without condoms – it was all too likely that cat hair had gotten into her vagina and balled up on her IUD wires over time.
Barrow has now banished her cats to sleeping in the basement, makes her bed every morning, and washes her sheets every two weeks. She’s definitely not taking any more risks.
