Angela Hartlin has had a unique problem for as long as she can remember.
When she was ten, her father had a brain aneurysm. Now she realizes where this is where her problems began.
It was hard to grieve while he was still alive. So she began attacking herself. She began picking at her own skin.
It’s called dermatillomania, and it’s an impulse control disorder that occurs when you are unable to stop picking at your own skin.
She picked at her face, arms, chest, and legs for up to eight hours every day. It got so bad that even doctors told the 29-year-old that it was unlikely she’d ever recover.
“During my teens it was extremely rough,” she said. “I didn’t tell a soul and just pretended the marks were acne. In gym class I would change in the bathroom, I never showed my legs and it kept me from dating.”
When she was 18, she tried to take her own life.
“I was at university and I felt very isolated living with this disorder and I couldn’t stand the way I looked. Doctors told me I’d never recover and I would have to live with it forever.”
But in 2014, everything changed. She sought help, and she created a documentary, Scars of Shame, to spread awareness of her condition.
Then, an expert psychotherapist saw her video, and contacted her personally.
This therapist helped Angela finally get to the bottom of her issues, such as the trauma of seeing her father change.
“I use different techniques to block the habit. My therapist provided me the tools to be able to talk myself out of the urge and identify different triggers.”
Now, her skin has mostly healed. She got married this year, and the difference shows in her photos. But Angela says there’s plenty left to fight through.
“I’m still not pick free—I do have urges every single day and it’s a long process. But I want people to know they aren’t alone. There are resources out there to help them.”
